I used to hang out on Friday evenings at a friend's home. She would prepare a simple, yet sumptuous dinner, followed by a programme of short readings, stories and music selections. I looked forward to these inspirational gatherings which she called "Reflections" because it allowed me to pause and reflect on my life and reconnect with myself. However, in the past months, I have been too caught up with other aspects of my life and I was deprived of the cosy gatherings in her home. Yesterday, I finally made an effort to make my way to her home and I was glad I went there to take some time out for myself. This is what I call "therapist self-care"! Towards the end of the evening, she brought out a familiar stack of virtues cards and laid them out on the table so that we can each pick out a card for reflection. I picked out the virtue of righteousness but that is not the virtue I want to talk about in this blog entry. These virtues cards led me to think about the virtue of perseverance.
My clients come to see me because they experience some difficulties in their lives. More often than not, they are hoping that I will be able to provide a quick fix or solution to their problems or perhaps thinking that I have some magic pill that they can take so that the problems will disappear. At first, my clients may become disappointed and disheartened that the process may take longer than expected. But they soon accept that the journey of life and change takes time with some perseverance and commitment. The virtue of perseverance is an important virtue for everyone to develop because we need it to overcome the obstacles and endure life's hardships and challenges.
"Perseverance is being steadfast and persistent. You commit to your goals and overcome obstacles, no matter how long it takes. When you persevere, you don't give up... You keep going. Like a strong ship in a storm, you don't become battered or blown off course. You just ride the waves."
- Excerpts from the virtues card of "Perseverance", The Virtues Project
Although we wish for an easy life, where we do not have to deal with difficulties, it is by struggling and persevering that we grow and become stronger. Some of my clients' parents tell me that they try their utmost best to provide everything they can for their children so that their children can have an easier life. This is a tough place to be in because in present-day society, most parents are working professionals and they have limited time with their children. Hence, parents tend to over-compensate and try to give anything and everything that their children ask for. Where is the struggling? Where is the hardship? Where is the perseverance?
"As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed." - Vincent Van Gogh
"We should not feel embarrassed by our difficulties, only by our failure to grow anything beautiful from them." - Alain de Botton
When my clients persevere, I am happy for them because I know that they will become emotionally stronger and they will be better equipped to deal with difficulties in the future. My clients are impatient and they want to see change quickly. I have to remind them that the journey is often not smooth and easy. At times, you may trip over little pebbles or rocks. If they are just superficial scratches, just get up and brush away the dirt from your knees and resume your journey. If there is a some injury, attend to the pain, take a rest and recuperate and when you are ready, pick yourself up and continue with your journey. Sometimes, you may benefit from a little help and company. Remember that you can reach out to people around you - family, friends, mentors and various kinds of resources.
If you are experiencing emotional pain or are going through a rough patch in your life, persevere on. You will get through it, and be strengthened through life's ordeals.
"Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realise this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward." - Henry Ford
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