"Food doesn't tempt you. Shopping doesn't tempt you. Then what tempts you?" Shermaine asked me.
Shermaine's question set me thinking - what really tempts me? It is quite a strange question because food and shopping seem to be common preoccupations for fellow Singaporeans. However, it does not really interest me very much. As I ponder a little more, I came to realise that singing in a choir tempts me.
My relationship with singing goes a long way back to the time when I was a child. No, I never took voice classes nor was I a prodigy singer. I recall my mother singing lullabies to my sister when she was a baby. I am sure she sang them to me when I was a baby but I do not have that in my conscious memory. Nevertheless, I remember many songs, nursery rhymes and the sound of my mother's voice throughout my childhood years. Although my mother is not one who expresses her love and affection openly, I can certainly sense it from her actions and the soothing tone of her voice when she sings. That is how singing connects to me - it keeps me feeling warm and fuzzy, and very much close to home.
When I was fourteen, I joined the school choir and discovered my love for choral singing. First of all, I am thankful that I have a gift and talent in singing and this has given me an opportunity to use this part of myself to produce music. The special thing about the human voice is that, it is a part of each and everyone of us. I bring this voice, this instrument, everywhere I go. Of course I can sing as a soloist, which I do from time to time. But I much prefer to do so with a group of singers.
There is no voice that is completely identical, maybe similar, but each one is different, distinct and unique. The tone and quality belongs to the person who owns the voice and has the characteristic of his or her personality. We can try to imitate or emulate another person but that will no longer be ours and will not be representative of who we are. The special thing about singing in a choir is the bringing together of many individual voices to create music.
After I graduated from University, I took a hiatus from the choral scene due to work commitments and devoting my time to caring for my children as a young mother. I was fairly out of touch with singing as a chorister but I knew that deep down inside, I was itching to sing in a choir. A year ago, Dawn, a lovely friend of mine, gently nudged me to audition to sing in ONE, a choir which she actively sang in. I was tempted. I was tempted for some time after hearing them sing at a concert the previous year. I did not take too long to contemplate about it and soon, I found myself singing regularly with the choir on Saturday afternoons.
This summer, I travelled to Portugal to perform with ONE and gained several insights about choral singing. We did not always have proper venues for our practices so we would sing in the park or in random public spaces. Of course, this attracted attention from passers-by and sometimes, they would stop and listen, perhaps mistakenly thinking that we were performing for them. At the end of each song, we would be encouraged by their applause. I realised that there is no performance without an audience - this is our symbiotic relationship. There is no such thing as an audience if there is no show to watch!
"The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance." - Aristotle
The next question that came to mind was - what constitutes a good performance? Is it a choral piece which is made up of complex harmonies and sophisticated rhythms? Is it done by trained singers, led by a reputable conductor? Sure, these will produce excellent music and possibly a perfect performance but a good performance must have heart. A good performance must have soul. Without which, a choir will not be able to reach out to the audience and they will not be moved. The audience will experience "eargasm" without feeling or emotion.
How is a choir supposed to have that heart and soul?
The choir must exists as a single entity. Neither the members nor the conductor can be individualistic or self-centred. I recognise that we are each unique and different individuals but when we sing, that musical mosaic must demonstrate a tapestry of music which reflects our love for one another and our relationship as a choir. There must be mutual trust and respect. This way, the choir will have a life of its own, with a heart and a soul.
The choir is very human. We have good days and bad days. There are times when we feel good about ourselves, when we are in high spirits, when we feel connected with one another - then we sing well, we are able to bring joy to the audience, they can feel the music. They will become inspired. When we are feeling under the weather, out of sorts, unhappy and disconnected, the audience will sense the dissonance. They will not be moved. Where music is concerned, I feel that one has to be passionate but not tensed. Tension will prevent the music from flowing and the sound will come out too hard or perhaps, even overbearing. Being too self-critical and having self-doubt or too high expectations of oneself are likely to create that tension in your voice and these aspects of yourself may hold back the music in you which you would like to convey to the world.
Good music is not about perfection but about true sincerity. That is what the audience want to experience - a heartfelt, sincere performance.
"Live to create love, art, music, peace and poetry. Bring to the world what no one else has and find passion in it." - Robert Tew
[This piece of writing is dedicated to my fellow choristers in ONE and of course our choral director, Ms Lim Ai Hooi. The music from the choir has touched me and the sincerity of each individual member has moved me. I must say that the past year with ONE has been an enriching and life-changing period of my life and the trip to Portugal is certainly a highlight of my life. Thank you to each and everyone of you!]
