The human voice

"Food doesn't tempt you. Shopping doesn't tempt you. Then what tempts you?" Shermaine asked me.

"I am a very emotional person. I get tempted by emotions. Anything that moves me."

Shermaine's question set me thinking - what really tempts me? It is quite a strange question because food and shopping seem to be common preoccupations for fellow Singaporeans. However, it does not really interest me very much. As I ponder a little more, I came to realise that singing in a choir tempts me.

My relationship with singing goes a long way back to the time when I was a child. No, I never took voice classes nor was I a prodigy singer. I recall my mother singing lullabies to my sister when she was a baby. I am sure she sang them to me when I was a baby but I do not have that in my conscious memory. Nevertheless, I remember many songs, nursery rhymes and the sound of my mother's voice throughout my childhood years. Although my mother is not one who expresses her love and affection openly, I can certainly sense it from her actions and the soothing tone of her voice when she sings. That is how singing connects to me - it keeps me feeling warm and fuzzy, and very much close to home.

When I was fourteen, I joined the school choir and discovered my love for choral singing. First of all, I am thankful that I have a gift and talent in singing and this has given me an opportunity to use this part of myself to produce music. The special thing about the human voice is that, it is a part of each and everyone of us. I bring this voice, this instrument, everywhere I go. Of course I can sing as a soloist, which I do from time to time. But I much prefer to do so with a group of singers.

There is no voice that is completely identical, maybe similar, but each one is different, distinct and unique. The tone and quality belongs to the person who owns the voice and has the characteristic of his or her personality. We can try to imitate or emulate another person but that will no longer be ours and will not be representative of who we are. The special thing about singing in a choir is the bringing together of many individual voices to create music.

After I graduated from University, I took a hiatus from the choral scene due to work commitments and devoting my time to caring for my children as a young mother. I was fairly out of touch with singing as a chorister but I knew that deep down inside, I was itching to sing in a choir. A year ago, Dawn, a lovely friend of mine, gently nudged me to audition to sing in ONE, a choir which she actively sang in. I was tempted. I was tempted for some time after hearing them sing at a concert the previous year. I did not take too long to contemplate about it and soon, I found myself singing regularly with the choir on Saturday afternoons.

This summer, I travelled to Portugal to perform with ONE and gained several insights about choral singing. We did not always have proper venues for our practices so we would sing in the park or in random public spaces. Of course, this attracted attention from passers-by and sometimes, they would stop and listen, perhaps mistakenly thinking that we were performing for them. At the end of each song, we would be encouraged by their applause. I realised that there is no performance without an audience - this is our symbiotic relationship. There is no such thing as an audience if there is no show to watch!

"The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance." - Aristotle

The next question that came to mind was - what constitutes a good performance? Is it a choral piece which is made up of complex harmonies and sophisticated rhythms? Is it done by trained singers, led by a reputable conductor? Sure, these will produce excellent music and possibly a perfect performance but a good performance must have heart. A good performance must have soul. Without which, a choir will not be able to reach out to the audience and they will not be moved. The audience will experience "eargasm" without feeling or emotion.

How is a choir supposed to have that heart and soul?

The choir must exists as a single entity. Neither the members nor the conductor can be individualistic or self-centred. I recognise that we are each unique and different individuals but when we sing, that musical mosaic must demonstrate a tapestry of music which reflects our love for one another and our relationship as a choir. There must be mutual trust and respect. This way, the choir will have a life of its own, with a heart and a soul.

The choir is very human. We have good days and bad days. There are times when we feel good about ourselves, when we are in high spirits, when we feel connected with one another - then we sing well, we are able to bring joy to the audience, they can feel the music. They will become inspired. When we are feeling under the weather, out of sorts, unhappy and disconnected, the audience will sense the dissonance. They will not be moved. Where music is concerned, I feel that one has to be passionate but not tensed. Tension will prevent the music from flowing and the sound will come out too hard or perhaps, even overbearing. Being too self-critical and having self-doubt or too high expectations of oneself are likely to create that tension in your voice and these aspects of yourself may hold back the music in you which you would like to convey to the world.

Good music is not about perfection but about true sincerity. That is what the audience want to experience - a heartfelt, sincere performance.

"Live to create love, art, music, peace and poetry. Bring to the world what no one else has and find passion in it." - Robert Tew

[This piece of writing is dedicated to my fellow choristers in ONE and of course our choral director, Ms Lim Ai Hooi. The music from the choir has touched me and the sincerity of each individual member has moved me. I must say that the past year with ONE has been an enriching and life-changing period of my life and the trip to Portugal is certainly a highlight of my life. Thank you to each and everyone of you!]

Creative expressions

Three weeks’ ago, when I was preparing for my second marathon, I wondered what I wanted to listen to during my run. I was deciding between my favourite songs and recorded talks by certain psychotherapists. Just to make sure I was well-prepared, I compiled both – a playlist of songs as well as a series of talks.

As I was eagerly waiting amidst the crowd of runners on that fateful morning just before 5 am, I decided to start my marathon by listening to a presentation by Jon Carlson and Pat Love. The presentation consisted of a two-part workshop with a total length of 2 hours 45 min. This means that I would have completed about 24 km by the end of the presentation. Interestingly, the title of the presentation was “The loneliness epidemic”. I am fearful of loneliness so I thought it would be enlightening to hear more from the experts on this topic.

Jon and Pat talked about what one should attend to in one’s life in order to alleviate one’s loneliness. In one of the points, they urged listeners to consider the question, “Are my talents being utilised in meaningful work?”

Pat elaborated, “Am I using what I was born with, a particular skill-set? Am I using that in a way that touches the lives of at least one other person, not just benefiting me.”

While I was running, I asked myself what my talents are and whether they are utilised in meaningful work. The idea is framed in a very interesting way because it does not necessarily imply that you have to find a meaningful job or career that makes use of your talent. It is pondering about your talent and what you do with it, such that it is not just kept to yourself, but is used in a way that positively influences another person.

For talents, I immediately thought of singing and for meaningful work, I thought of my work as a counsellor. How is my talent in singing used in meaningful work and how is my work as a psychotherapist making use of my talents? Singing therapy? Ha! I never thought of that, which is certainly an interesting possibility, but let us not complicate the topic of the discussion because we can make use of our different talents to do different things.

“The art of music is divine and effective. It is the food of the soul and spirit. Through the power and charm of music the spirit of man is uplifted.” – ‘Abdu’l-Bahá

Singing feels like that for me – the food of my soul and spirit. Although I sometimes have to learn some very difficult music scores during choir practices, I enjoy singing and listening to the blending of the voices of my fellow choristers. One of the most fascinating thing about singing is how a human being can use his or her voice to produce music – the sound which is produced comes from the entire body, which acts as the instrument. The emotional and psychological state of the singer influences and affects the quality, tone and feeling of the song. There is no one way of singing and there is room for creativity, the use of self and self-expression.

Singing together creates that special bond among my choir friends. When we perform, our songs bridge that gap with the audience and strangers connect with us through our music. We strive for technical excellence but more importantly, we want to be able to move and touch our listeners and evoke the feelings and emotions in them. Perhaps this is how I will be able to utilise singing in meaningful work.

Talents are usually associated with creative expressions of art but there is a wide range of talents that you can consider. Remember that if you do not have a particular talent, nothing is stopping you from learning, studying and mastering it. If you already have a talent, you can grow and develop it and use your creativity and inspiration so that it translates to meaningful work. I have listed a range of possibilities below and they are by no means exhaustive.

Talents (possibilities!): sketching, drawing, painting, sculpting, sewing, knitting, crochet, origami, scrapbooking, digital art, interior design, architectural design, singing, playing musical instruments, composing music, poetry, story-telling, writing, drama, floral arrangement, baking, cooking

In the presentation, Pat suggested that the talent or activity should meet five criteria. First, you should have a sense of anticipation such that you look forward to engaging in that activity. Second, it should be something, which challenges you because that is how you are able to stretch yourself and develop your potential to the fullest. Third, you should find it absorbing – you will feel that way if you are enjoying the activity! Fourth, your talent has to be energising – you may be physically tired while you are at it but it should not drain you emotionally or psychologically. Lastly, you should feel a sense of congruence that this is exactly what you like to be doing!

Let me share two vignettes – the first is about Dongsu. Dongsu is a young professional who works as a financial analyst. He was becoming less motivated about his job and found it more and more dreary as time went by. He was proficient at crunching numbers and analysing data and trends. However, these did not excite him. His passion was playing the violin. He wanted to become a professional violinist to perform as well as to teach others. Hence, he contemplated quitting his job and taking time to study music. Unfortunately, he started to doubt his talent because he could not feel the music as he played. He practised for many hours and studied very hard but he felt that he had some mental block, which he could not get past.

When Dongsu spoke to me, I sensed his anxiety and the tension within himself. He was also feeling increasingly depressed and losing his self-confidence. How we feel affects our performance in our work and our talents. I suggested to Dongsu that before he plays his instrument, he needs to take time to wind down, to put aside his distress, fears and worries. After that, he can take his violin and play it, not as a financial analyst, but as himself, the violinist. When Dongsu met me again, he excitedly shared that he tried it and the feeling came back – he felt the music resonate between the violin and him again. I was very happy for Dongsu that he re-connected with his talent. I also reminded him that there are good days and there are bad days. If he is truly in-tune with the rhythm of his instrument, he will be able to sense his emotional experiences through the music of the violin because the music and him are really one.

The second vignette is about my mother, who is in her mid-fifties. She is an amazing lady with numerous talents but she neither boosts nor brags about them. Among the talents she is endowed with, is her gift of handicraft, including crochet, cross-stitch and knitting. I remember throughout my growing up years, my mother made various items as gifts for the family, relatives and friends, for charity bazaars and even for sale. Many people are most impressed by my mother’s cross-stitch portraits. You may think that cross-stitch does not require much skill because each cross-stitch is really simple to sew – it is a combination of two stitches to make an ‘x’. However, it takes an incredible amount of determination, discipline, persistence and tenacity to complete an entire cross-stitch portrait.

The picture you see here is a cross-stitch family portrait, which my mother did many years’ ago.

Recently, my mother started volunteering with a friend at a halfway house and a girls’ home where she utilised her talent of handicraft in meaningful work. At the halfway house, she taught the ladies crochet, knitting and cross-stitch so that they can make items for sale. At the girls’ home, my mother taught the girls some handicraft as part of their holiday activities. These were simple acts and gestures of kindness but I am sure that they will go a long way to touch the lives of these women. One of the girls who remembers my mother fondly, shared that, “She was awesome!” Yes, my mother is awesome.

“The source of crafts, sciences and arts is the power of reflection. Make ye every effort that out of this ideal mine there may gleam forth such pearls of wisdom and utterance as will promote the well-being and harmony of all the kindreds of the earth.” - Bahá'u'lláh