Magical powers

I must admit that I am a Harry Potter fan. I diligently read all seven books - pre-ordered the books, but never resorted to queuing overnight to be the first ones to get my hands on the books. I watched all eight movies as well, and intend to get the entire movie series as part of my prized possessions.

I have always been intrigued by magic as a child. It is extremely fascinating to be able to magically transform objects, people, make things disappear, make them fly and so many other miraculous possibilities. I wished I had magical powers too. To use a little magic to help me with my work, to make me a better therapist, to give that extra special touch to take away my clients' emotional pain and hurt. Sigh... This only happens in storybooks and movies, not in real life.

Whenever I do not know what to do to help my clients, I secretly wish for a little help from a fairy godmother - yes, those childhood fairytale fantasies. I have high expectations of myself, just like the girls I work with. I try very hard with my cases, thinking of the best ways to engage my clients and to facilitate change. Thankfully, I get positive affirmations often and am assured that I am somewhat helpful and effective for my clients. Even when the sessions seem to go well, I may be hard on myself and wish that I could have done better, that I could have done more, that i should not have said certain things or that I was just not good enough as a counsellor.

I find it amusing when I think of myself this way - "not good enough", sounds just like the self-critic of the girls I work with. Perhaps this is my self-critic that I have to "battle" with from time to time as well. During my training in emotion-focused therapy, I dealt with my self-critic and learnt that I need more kindness and compassion towards myself. My clients need that too, more kindness and compassion towards themselves.

There was a case that I was rather distressed about because I wanted to be able to assist in some way but it became clear that I was not in the position to do so. I struggled with the sense of helplessness and many people around me felt helpless too. They could not help the client and they hoped that the counsellor would be able to help the client. You can imagine the tremendous pressure that I was under, to do something to help the client. In situations like these, I wish I had some wizardry powers, Harry Potter's wand or Hermione's fancy spells so that I can do something to make the emotional pain go away!

In actual fact, I do not think the people around have such expectations of me. They are my own, unreasonable expectations of my omnipotent ability, that I do not possess. After several consultations with other counsellors and psychiatrists about the case, I realised that I can only do this much to help my client with her problem. Whether she improves or not, it is really not within my control. I have done my best and the rest is up to her.

I am not the all-powerful. I am not omnipotent. I am only human. That's a good reminder for me. A very good reminder.

"Everyone has obstacles, and you're not going to have the right answer or do the right thing every single time." - Shannon Miller