Breakfast conversations

I have been feeling rather uneasy with the reactions of people on social media ever since the National Library Board (NLB) made the news headlines for removing some children's books from the shelves. This was in response to an anti-LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) group because the books did not promote family values.

There was a flurry of comments from both "camps" of course, for and against what NLB did. One group (let's call them "Group No-Prejudice") started to petition and "protest" that the books should return to the shelves with the justification that a library should have a range of books, that it is important to be all-inclusive; and not to shield our children in bubbles that we think will protect them from undesirable thoughts. The other group (let's call them "Group Pro-Family"), probably started to panic that Group No-Prejudice might succeed in their quest so Group Pro-Family also started a petition to urge NLB not to be pressured to reinstate the books because they feel strongly that NLB did the right thing to preserve the sanctity of the social fabric of our community.

Basically, I feel that many people are over-reacting, whether for or against, and I feel that the issue has been blown out of proportion. I would rather focus on some of the more troubling issues about how parents tend to rely on digital devices to babysit their children, or parents spending too much time and money on enrichment courses or parents (including single adults) who work such long hours that they do not spend quality time with their family (including couple time with the spouse).

Anyhow, I decided to do some investigation myself and find out what these books are all about and why everybody is reacting on social media. One of the books I explored was “And Tango Makes Three”. When I read the synopsis, I thought to myself, ah, two male penguins. It must be the homosexual connotation that many parents and anti-gay communities are uncomfortable with. Then I realised that many libraries in other parts of the world have also banned this book because of its controversial themes. I was somewhat amused that NLB did not do their homework when they first acquired the book, considering how politically-correct the government and related agencies would want to portray themselves. I also realized that although the story was based on a true story of two male penguins in the New York’s Central Park Zoo, the authors’ intent was to help parents teach children about same-sex parent families. So yes, there are definitely homosexual-themed undertones to the storybook.

I believe that parents are the custodians of their children’s well-being and development, which means that they are responsible to teach their children values, principles and skills that they deem important. Just a few days’ ago, I had a session with a group of mothers of teenage girls. I reminded them that in this day and age, it is difficult and most definitely impossible to shield our children or protect them from material, which we consider inappropriate, all thanks to the Internet and social media. We can censor information from our children, police their activities and behavior and micro-manage their lives but they are likely to be intelligent and smart enough to figure out ways to get around the “system”. What is more important is to lay the foundation and inculcate the values so that our children have adequate skills to reflect on situations they face and learn to decide what is right or wrong, acceptable or unacceptable, appropriate or inappropriate.

I have two sons, Junnoske (ten years old) and Ryunoske (eight years old). When they were much younger, I made a conscious effort to select books that teach about virtues and good character. In fact, I stayed away from the common fairytales like Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. Part of the reason is because I have sons, not daughters, so they may not appreciate princess-type stories as much. The other part of the reason is that I felt that the stories placed too much emphasis on beauty and good looks, which seemed rather superficial. The characters in the stories were also either all good or all bad, which is also unrealistic because I feel that there are many facets to a human being which make us part good and part not-so-good. The fairytales we grew up with do not exist in real life: Prince Charming does not exist; Beauty is more than skin deep, and the character of a person is so much more important; “Happily ever after” requires a whole lot of hard work, which obviously does not necessarily happen after a grand royal wedding. So no, my sons do not know those princess fairytales because I decided, as a parent, not to read those stories to them when they were much younger. Now that I think of it, I may need to share those fairytales with them at some point, purely for general knowledge!

During breakfast this morning, I decided to carry out an experiment, to have a conversation with my sons about the controversial penguin book. I started out by explaining to them about the concept of homosexual couples, using only layman language and simple terms. I was careful not to use terms like “unnatural”, “wrong” or “bad” to describe homosexuals because I did not want them to be prejudiced against them and show them disdain and treat them disrespectfully. Then I went on to tell them an abridged version (in my own words) of the story of “And Tango Makes Three”. I asked them what they felt and thought about the story. Ryunoske just shrugged his shoulders. Perhaps he did not really understand the story and what I was trying to tell him. Well, he is only eight. Junnoske had a more serious expression. He looked rather perturbed and said that he was confused. This made me wonder if it was indeed true that the story was not appropriate for children and the anti-gay community was right about insisting that the book be removed from the library. Then I decided to let the book speak for itself. I showed them a YouTube video of the story. When the video ended, Junnoske turned to me and said, “Oh, that’s not too bad. The penguins are like the guardians of the baby penguin.”

Guardians. I like that.



Epilogue

Personally, I believe in the traditional family system and these are the values that I discuss with my children about. The main purpose of sharing the anecdote is to show that children see the world through very different lens from adults. In fact, the conversation with my children did not end there. We talked about the pros and cons about having such books in the library and the implications of children reading the books with and without parental supervision. We also talked about how they will interact with children who come from families which are "different" (single parent, adopted parents etc.).